When you are going through a divorce that you don't want or think is supposed to happen it is like riding a roller coaster and not knowing what is ahead or if you will make it off. The only difference is the roller coaster is your life and your children are drug along and you have no control. All I could think about were my kids. It really took a long time to remove them from it and see how it affected me. Thinking about myself was not my priority. I knew I had to keep everything together for my children. I had to make this as normal for them as possible. I was so grateful for the Christian school Cole and Kaitlyn were going to. I have always poured as much time as possible into my children. But now every moment counted because the day he decided he wanted out of our marriage is the day he took my children away from the life I had always planned for them. Never did I think I would have my children and not get to spend every weekend with them. Never did I think I wouldn't get to spend every holiday and every birthday with them. This is was not a decision I made for my children. It was a very selfish decision and I still struggle to this day with this. It is not fair to the kids or me.
So I found myself in a huge house and wondered what I should do. Do I move us into a smaller house? I remember a discussion with my dad one day about what I should do. I told him I wanted to keep everything as normal as possible for the kids for as long as possible. They loved our house, our neighbors, and had their friends. So the decision was made to stay in the house for the time being. Never did I know that God had specific plans for this house and it would soon be filled completely.
I was hurt and never wanted to be hurt again. I had kind of decided that I was not going to date or remarry until the kids were grown. I had people wanting to set me up with guys but I was not interested. My kids were all I needed. I joked with my friends that I was just going to be that Crazy Cat Lady that everyone talked about. I didn't need anyone else in my life. The kids and I were doing just fine. I remember my dad coming over one day while the kids were gone. The look he gave me told me he was fixing to have a serious conversation with me. He goes on to tell me that I deserve more and until I get myself out there I will never know who may be out there. I am sure those are not the exact words but pretty close. I agreed and came with grips that I was going to enter the scary world of dating at the age of 30. My ex-husband and I had been high school sweet hearts. This was a whole new scary world of dating I was entering.
This is where the story gets good. You may not believe in God but I can tell you this was ALL God. If you are going through a divorce and you have the desperation that I had. Please lean on God; turn it all to him. He has a plan for your life. I had and still do have Jeremiah 29:11 posted throughout my home. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This was hard sometimes because I had been harmed and I was not so sure of my future. But God knew everything and had it all planned for my good.
For as long as I can remember I have had a BIG fear of policemen. I am not sure why both my grandparents were police officers and two of my uncles. I don't know where the fear came from but it was definitely there. I remember my ex-husband at one time wanting to go into law enforcement. All I could think was why? Why would you want to put yourself in harm like that? Why do you want to have terrible hours and be away from your family? Well God certainly has a big sense of humor. I had an issue come up and I needed to go to the police station and file a report. I was terrified. I kept putting it off day after day because of the fear I had. Finally a very good friend whom I believe helped me survive divorce and single-hood came and got me and said we are going. This has to be done and there is no turning back. I was a mess to say the least. I remember walking into the police station and the lady behind the scary glass window told me if I needed an officer to pick up the phone and tell the operator and she would send someone out. I could have just passed out at this point. So we are standing there waiting on the big scary mean officer to come and I happen to see someone walk past the hall that looked familiar. It was Rob Hughes; I was so excited and frantic to have him help me. I can't even imagine what I looked like as I called for him to come take my report. A familiar face, could I be this lucky? I had my checkbook stolen from the store the summer before. Rob is who came and took the report. I had already dealt with him. He wasn't too scary. After all the information for the police report was taken, I asked about his mother. She had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. You see Rob & I didn't know it but we had many things that brought us together over the years. I lived 2 doors down from the Hughes family when I was in Kindergarten. Kim (my now sister-in-law) and I used to play Barbies together. I worked for Jackie (my now mother-in-law) at the daycare at our church when I was in high school. I worked for Bob (my now father-in-law) for several years as his assistant. We went to the same church. I attended Rob & his ex-wife's wedding. I took meals and presents to his house each time he had a baby. We have many pictures of all the activities we all did together. Our kids had all gone to church with each other since they were babies. I later found out that Jackie (my mother-in-law) had been trying to get Rob to ask me out for awhile.
We had nothing in common, we were very different in all aspects, but God had bigger plans for us - we are perfect for each other. Our story was just beginning. If you are struggling because the fairy tale you planned didn't turn out the way you expected or planned. God may have a much bigger plan for you. Keep leaning on him.
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